Tag Archives: sex

The Time Before

  by Allie Bayat

When time has passed and the sun is set

and you’re old and tired from the life before

remember that dream of that day

of love and hope you once thought true


How many loved and thought you fair and wise

and adored the look of compassion in your eyes

There was one that loved your chaos

the one who smiled through all the fading moods


then he turned and looked away

forgetting all about that day

It was that adoration you thought right

that slipped across the sky and

disappeared into the night.

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Filed under Change, fear, passion, Phases, Poetry, sex

Once Upon a Time


They say perception is reality. If that is so, then there is beauty in everything.
There is beauty in the darkness as well as in the light.





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Phases of me: The Story of Change

Sometimes the story never changes. But, the characters evolve. They grow, their world view expands and it adds another layer to the story. Change is constant and inevitable.

Finding My Voice

1003379_593357574036369_1323029908_nChange is never easy. When you have to change a fundamental aspect of your personality it can set your world askew. A long time ago I decided to live my life on my terms, to stop trying to be someone I was not. I was married very young and tried to be who he wanted me to be. I was still learning about myself and eagerly followed his guidance at first. For him he had this idea of what family would look like, the things you do, the things you say and how you behave. He even had a template for how we spent our daily lives. He like the idea of church without the morality of it. He was more about the traditions than the nuances. For the most part he was a good person, believed as I believed in integrity, trust, honesty and loyalty, but for him there…

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Fallen Zoroastrian Angel

by A.n. Bayat 2008


In my diminutive cage

I sing-I sleep-I exist

You placed me, so gentle, loving and kind

Your prize-your treasure-your modest possession


You implored me

Held me apart

the occasional sip or treat

you looked at me and smiled-satisfaction


Walked away

I will pet you another day


Laid my bedding with furs and feathers

Nice and snug all warm at night

No fears

No worries

No thoughts of freedom


It kept me here

It kept me there

It kept me warm at night

Chasing any glimmer a’ blithe


A sound

A voice

A movement

Air- but a rush


I can’t see

But I can breath

I don’t crack

In my reserved

sacred shrine


I think-wonder

Oh please remember

Here I am

There you are

Where are we?


Lost in shadows

Without an echo

fixed in darkness

And tedium abound


Where did you go

Did conceal me from light?

Did you suspend my thoughts?

absolve me tonight?


I waited and looked

There was not even a hint

I waited and listened

As the silence exploded

Sounding so vile

livid And strong


What can I see?

But you and me

Lost in this shadow

And nowhere to be

I am a wraith

misplaced in the past

ethereal and primal

Is it all that endures?


Oh please and thank you

For the seldom reprieve


In and out

before the memories cool

then back again to the

silence and comfort

of my gold laden crate


I’m safe and forgotten

until another acquit


Open that door

but just a little ajar

I promise I promise

I’ll stay, not go far


back again

To the silence and comfort

Of my little, utopian



Hot and weary

And all is well

Here we are

together again; awash

In our gilt set perdition


Just open it once

I’ll stay, I promise again

You’ll notice the

spread Of my wings

And long drawn out sigh


A long time ago

was caught by your eye

It was your smirk

that gilded that cage
It was those eyes

that snapped that

door shut


Just open a little

Come in for flash

Just a murmur, I promise

Maybe a trade for a time.


Don’t be afraid, come sit

for a while, let go of control

I promise, I promise

to make us both free.


This refuge-this haven

But, safety and peace

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You are enough

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March 8, 2016 · 9:36 am

My Sacred Name

        By A.N. Bayat


Unknown artist


You know my sacred name
not ever meant for all
You held me with your gaze
You hold my fragile heart
You’ve held it a million years
You’ve had it from the start

i should have walked away that day
i should have gone invisible
i  shouldn’t have answered your call
i should  not have given all
i should have closed my heart
i should have turned my back
i should have lost my faith
i should have sailed away
i should have forgotten you

no expectations
no love
no loss
no pain
no joy
no happiness
no us

what would life have been if I’d never looked your way?
What would it have been if I’d turned and walked away?
If I’d never taken a chance, what I would have missed?


i can’t imagine my life if i had never smiled
i can’t imagine it if i had never ever tried
i can’t imagine life if I’d kept it locked away
i can’t imagine it if I’d not left that door ajar

turned on that light
expressed that moment
or handed you my soul

What would our lives have been
without that loving tender kiss?
what would it have been
without that comforting embrace?

How would it all have changed
without your understanding smile?
How would it be different
without your caring patient gaze?

I would never have known love
happiness or joy
I can stand every ounce of pain,
sadness and tears
because you are always here for me
to love away my fears…


who ever thought I’d love a man
so course and rough around the edges
but loving from the start
that’s  why over all the years
all the distance in between,
No one else has ever held my heart


or known my sacred name

You’ve held it a million years

you’ll have a million more



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Filed under Art, bdsm, bondage, Communication, fire, Loss, Love, passion, Poetry, Politics, Relationships, Religion, sex, Story

When in This Life

Finding My Voice

When in this life we find struggles hourglass
that divide us from each other,
my heart will reach for you
it will embrace you

When in this life we find distance,
who will love you when I’m away
who will touch your heart
and protect your soul

Remember on that day,
we are one and undivided
there is no obstacle
that can divide our hearts

There is only a temporary break
in this life until the next
We are perpetual souls
finding the other in every lifetime

-A.N. Bayat 2015

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