Category Archives: sex

The Time Before

  by Allie Bayat

When time has passed and the sun is set

and you’re old and tired from the life before

remember that dream of that day

of love and hope you once thought true


How many loved and thought you fair and wise

and adored the look of compassion in your eyes

There was one that loved your chaos

the one who smiled through all the fading moods


then he turned and looked away

forgetting all about that day

It was that adoration you thought right

that slipped across the sky and

disappeared into the night.

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Filed under Change, fear, passion, Phases, Poetry, sex

Once Upon a Time


They say perception is reality. If that is so, then there is beauty in everything.
There is beauty in the darkness as well as in the light.





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Everlasting Connection

by A.N. Bayat 2009


I’m not your forever

I’m your every once in

a while, when my heart

is weary and my body

aches and longs for your

affection, I can no

longer oppose you


I am your occasional

when my soul can no

longer breathe and

I can’t escape; when

the essence of me evokes

that taste of your lips

when it lures me closer at the

sight of your smile; when it

pulls you around me,and it

appeals for your touch


however I tear at our unending

bond and rip apart at your ardor

no matter how far, I can no longer

combat or build enough walls


My heart is continuous

this touch is for now

My ache is undying

these walls have obscured


All is ephemeral and

life is provisional

but my vow is persistent

even when my body

is diminished, you’ll

have my assurance that

my love is perpetual. 

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Filed under Love, Poetry, Relationships, sex

Show Me

___the_sorrow_lullaby____by_pagihariMaybe I don’t understand all you feel or do. I want to. Maybe I only see parts of you.

Show me your darkness and your light-I will embrace them just for you.


Maybe I get angry for all the things I don’t understand, but want to; the fears are mine. What can you do? Show me your struggles and all your fears.  I will love them too.


Maybe what I see are mine. It is only misunderstanding, not knowing what to do. Maybe it’s ME telling YOU- with me you always have a place to be. Show me the imperfect you, with thoughts and feelings of gains and losses. Don’t be afraid. I see you!


I feel helpless at times, for all the  things I cannot do…be there for you when you hurt, hold you when you need-selfish me. Show me those hidden parts of you. I may not have a right- those thoughts and feelings, I am not entitled to-Since forever I have waited-a call, a message, a visit…your voice…to know you’re ok…all is well…I’ll see you soon…


“It’s whatever. Who cares? I do” Show me your silent tears…I wanted to ask…but, no. Don’t be too serious. I  want no worries. Selfish, I know…”I want.”


I cannot know every part of you. I cannot understand all you feel, think or do…but I can love and accept all of you. Show me your fears and worries. Show me your darkness and your light. Show me your silent tears


I am going to get angry at times…but , can’t you see, I will be more afraid if I do not know…Show me your shadows. let me see all your fears.


Show me your struggles. Show me your hidden parts. I will love them just for you.


-A Bayat 2016

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Out of the Darkness

stock-photo-22949856-black-and-white-image-of-two-hands-reaching-outHe became a real presence in my life from the moment he stood in my door way, with those mischievous eyes and that knowing smile. From then on, I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life, part of my life and part of me. I was so nervous, annoyed, anxious, frustrated, every emotion tied into one, turned into itself and upside down. My skin was on fire and my head was a jumble of thoughts. My heart was beating in uncontrollable rhythms and he was hours late. I couldn’t decide whether to hug him or shake him. I was raw with emotion and he was cool as can be. The way he looked at me, his eyes following my every move. My frustrations turn to actions. I felt my hand on his cheek with a loud crack. He didn’t flinch. He never took his eyes off me. “The other cheek is jealous,” he said with that cool and controlled manner. Then that sudden expansive passion of raw emotions. He’s all things, all at once, perfection and imperfection. He is my chaos and my peace. He is my beacon and my light.


…all these years down the line and I cannot imagine my life without him.


I am the calm before the storm. I am that terrible silence that will shatter your very soul.

We don’t drift apart. We tear at each other, trying to untangle the silken web of love, affection and passion. We try to undo the layers of happiness and pain. We thought we could run fast and far, it changed nothing, not distance, not time and not silence. It hurt and smothered our joys. It took us into a darkness and we became lost. Then he looked and I looked. It was a slip and a slight and that light in the darkness, that was YOU; That was ME; That was US. We’re inescapable, insatiable and invincible. We were inevitable.

He is part of me. I am part of him.

In the fiercest storm, you are my  haven.

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Filed under Art, bondage, Communication, Culture, fire, life, Love, passion, Poetry, Prayer, relationship, Relationships, sex

My Sacred Name

        By A.N. Bayat


Unknown artist


You know my sacred name
not ever meant for all
You held me with your gaze
You hold my fragile heart
You’ve held it a million years
You’ve had it from the start

i should have walked away that day
i should have gone invisible
i  shouldn’t have answered your call
i should  not have given all
i should have closed my heart
i should have turned my back
i should have lost my faith
i should have sailed away
i should have forgotten you

no expectations
no love
no loss
no pain
no joy
no happiness
no us

what would life have been if I’d never looked your way?
What would it have been if I’d turned and walked away?
If I’d never taken a chance, what I would have missed?


i can’t imagine my life if i had never smiled
i can’t imagine it if i had never ever tried
i can’t imagine life if I’d kept it locked away
i can’t imagine it if I’d not left that door ajar

turned on that light
expressed that moment
or handed you my soul

What would our lives have been
without that loving tender kiss?
what would it have been
without that comforting embrace?

How would it all have changed
without your understanding smile?
How would it be different
without your caring patient gaze?

I would never have known love
happiness or joy
I can stand every ounce of pain,
sadness and tears
because you are always here for me
to love away my fears…


who ever thought I’d love a man
so course and rough around the edges
but loving from the start
that’s  why over all the years
all the distance in between,
No one else has ever held my heart


or known my sacred name

You’ve held it a million years

you’ll have a million more



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Filed under Art, bdsm, bondage, Communication, fire, Loss, Love, passion, Poetry, Politics, Relationships, Religion, sex, Story

When in This Life

Finding My Voice

When in this life we find struggles hourglass
that divide us from each other,
my heart will reach for you
it will embrace you

When in this life we find distance,
who will love you when I’m away
who will touch your heart
and protect your soul

Remember on that day,
we are one and undivided
there is no obstacle
that can divide our hearts

There is only a temporary break
in this life until the next
We are perpetual souls
finding the other in every lifetime

-A.N. Bayat 2015

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Filed under Art, life, Loss, Love, passion, Relationships, sex