Category Archives: Relationships

Friendships, intimate relationships, familial interactions.

When in This Life

When in this life we find struggles that divide us from each other, my heart will reach for you it will embrace you When in this life we find distance, who will love you when I’m away who wil…

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Show Me

Maybe I don’t understand all you feel or do. I want to. Maybe I only see parts of you. Show me your darkness and your light-I will embrace them just for you.   Maybe I get angry for all …

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Now What?

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When I am sure about something, I have no fear. I am sure about me. I trust me. I know if I say something, decide something, set out to do something, it will happen.

Getting lost on a mountain…alone, it never occurred to me that I could die. It never occurred to me that I would not make it. When I was lost and alone in the rain, I remember thinking, how good it would feel just to lay there for a moment. I reminded myself that laying down, I’d never get up again–keep going.

This is just one of many moments. This one was a turning point. This is the moment that says a lot about me. This is how I fight to survive…I lock out emotions. I claw my way through it.

Some women need a man to lift them and help them get to the top. Sometimes I wish I was that woman. I could use the help and reprieve. But, everyone sees how strong I am and leaves me to do it. After, I was calm. I was quiet. I was in control. I was sick and in pain. I had gashes on my legs and arms, back, belly, shoulders. I looked in the mirror and was bloody and dirty. My hands were almost shredded and hurt to wash from grabbing the roots and clawing at the dirt to move. The water stung my hands. Dirt ground into my skin. My throat felt raw. I didn’t think I could eat…that climb got me past my moments and I looked up and realized “I’m over it.” Whatever I was feeling that I thought I needed or wanted, I no longer needed or wanted.


 

When I think of that  day, I wish it never happened.  You see, I was already strong. I was already tough. I just wanted to be normal, to have the same feelings, wants and needs as any other woman. I wanted to feel comfortable being vulnerable. Others made it look so easy. I wanted to be comfortable needing and just letting someone look out for me. I did not want to be the person that could climb a mountain, fall, become lost and survive. I didn’t want to be the woman who could fall and be so stubborn. I’d tear myself to pieces to get to the top. That time put me into perspective for me.

I am strong. It doesn’t mean I want it tested. That mountain didn’t break me. That fall didn’t stop me. So, now what?

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Everlasting Connection

by A.N. Bayat 2009

 

I’m not your forever

I’m your every once in

a while, when my heart

is weary and my body

aches and longs for your

affection, I can no

longer oppose you

 

I am your occasional

when my soul can no

longer breathe and

I can’t escape; when

the essence of me evokes

that taste of your lips

when it lures me closer at the

sight of your smile; when it

pulls you around me,and it

appeals for your touch

 

however I tear at our unending

bond and rip apart at your ardor

no matter how far, I can no longer

combat or build enough walls

 

My heart is continuous

this touch is for now

My ache is undying

these walls have obscured

 

All is ephemeral and

life is provisional

but my vow is persistent

even when my body

is diminished, you’ll

have my assurance that

my love is perpetual. 

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Phases of me: The Story of Change

Sometimes the story never changes. But, the characters evolve. They grow, their world view expands and it adds another layer to the story. Change is constant and inevitable.

Finding My Voice

1003379_593357574036369_1323029908_nChange is never easy. When you have to change a fundamental aspect of your personality it can set your world askew. A long time ago I decided to live my life on my terms, to stop trying to be someone I was not. I was married very young and tried to be who he wanted me to be. I was still learning about myself and eagerly followed his guidance at first. For him he had this idea of what family would look like, the things you do, the things you say and how you behave. He even had a template for how we spent our daily lives. He like the idea of church without the morality of it. He was more about the traditions than the nuances. For the most part he was a good person, believed as I believed in integrity, trust, honesty and loyalty, but for him there…

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Celebrating Pride: Where Religion and Queerness Meet — Discover

“Queer people of all faith traditions deserve to know that they are not alone and that they are loved.” At Longreads, contributor Emily Perper shares four stories exploring the intersection of religion and queerness.

via Celebrating Pride: Where Religion and Queerness Meet — Discover

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Abandoned, Not Forgotten: A Look at the Haunting Beauty of Modern Ruins — Discover

A look at bloggers and photographers who document the disappearing traces of everyday 20th-century life.

via Abandoned, Not Forgotten: A Look at the Haunting Beauty of Modern Ruins — Discover

 

 

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value.“- Thomas Paine

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